Influence or Control
It’s a thin line between control and influence; both having the same intended outcome but towing different paths. To my mind, when I hear control, it paints an image of forcefully getting the intended outcome (though could be subtle), while influence gets the same outcome but in a way that is not obvious, flowing naturally and very potent.
Couples should ensure agreement in talking so that getting the picture and influencing the child likewise becomes fun. The hard work in marriage is what I call the ‘Rigour of Agreement’. But once this is in place, parenting becomes fun, heaven on earth and a journey you don’t ‘wanna’ end.
Once ‘agreement in talking’ is in place between the couple, the next thing to do in getting the picture of the child’s future is to continually talk with God and the child. Talking with the child starts by studying the child to see deep into him or her for the gifts and talents with which the child is to create solutions here on earth. Like every work of art, the picture is not always clear at first, but as you keep talking the picture becomes clearer.
How to Influence your Child
Be in the place of influence with your child. How do you do this? By letting your children be rooted in God, staying with them, praying with them, and always talking with them. Be deliberate about spending time with them daily as much as is convenient for both of you.
Deliberate Parenting is the way to go. You have fewer years than you think to spend with your child. You had better be deliberate about it so you can enjoy a lifetime of influence with that child.
To influence your child, be a transformational parent. A parent that is there with the child as much as possible to explain movies, books, music videos, the essence of building character before wardrobe as seen on page 3 in the book ‘Sound Character: Maxim for a Successful Future’ with love from my humble self.
Be deliberate in being a transformational parent. For instance, when you stop at traffic lights at places where no police or cameras are watching, just know that your children are watching if they are in the vehicle with you. The more you do things consistent with sound character, the more your influence grows with your children; otherwise, your influence flies out the window. When you do not imbibe sound character, you lose your voice in talking with them.
Benefits of Influence over Control
The joy of parenting is watching your children transform into the image God has for them in a way that is so seamless and impactful. Parenting is not tryingto make the child be like the parent but making the child be who the child should be. This is the greatest benefit of influence over control.
Influence gives you a voice with your children, while control gives you a shout. When you’ve failed at influencing your children, you will find yourself shouting at them. If this continues, be sure you’re going to lose them.
Go Influence your Child Positively
You can begin to picture your parenting in light of the above and make the necessary decisions. Go be a parent with influence and not one that seeks to control your children. The difference between influence and control is a thin line, but the impact is a wide gap between the picture God has for the child’s future and what he or she eventually becomes. It’s in our hands, parents. Be a great mentor to your child.
Conclusion
Parents, remember, that you set the first stage for your child. You are the first audience; be deliberate with the few years that child will spend under your roof.
Be a parent with influence!
David Adegboyega
Author & Sound Character Coach
+2348032015433
daveadegboyega@gmail.com
